So I took a very long break from Days because frankly it's just been a big drag. I've really come to love Carly, so lately I've become a little wary of all the bullying. Carly/CC is sort of like EJ/JS in the sense that she's doomed to be little more than an interloper for the couple Ken Corday has decided should be endgame.
Obviously there are many problems with this, the first of which is that there seems to have been absolutely no point to everything that's happened between Bo/Carly and Sami/EJ over the past few months (see my surprise). The second is that you shouldn't ruin the end of a book if that book is going to continue spitting out volumes for at least another two years. The third, of course, is that it's a huge waste of talent and chemistry. Whether or not I'm a Carbo fan is irrelevant here. The thing that makes a good triangle is that the viewer at times can be just as torn between two corners as the third is. There's a whisper of that with Carly, Bo and Hope so why not take advantage of that, writers? Why basically tell us that we're going to be riding across the finish line on Fancy's face two years in advance?
Basically what I'm saying is that the Carbo fans are getting well and truly hosed, joining the ranks of the Ejamis and now, with the announcement that Mark Hapka's been "let go", the Mates.
Now it's not enough that the Carbos have to suffer through yet another Bope reunion. Carly must be thrust from their orbit and out on her fine ass where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. This way it isn't just a matter of Bo choosing Hope over Carly because he's still in love with her - he's also doing it because Carly is the devil.
The writers' logic here seems to be that they can win the undecided vote by getting viewers to reason that Carly lied to Bo and therefore must be punished - very much like what happened when Ejami Armageddon struck at the end of August. Granted, Carly didn't kidnap any children, (although the writers seem to be trying to spin it that way) but it was another case of "what the hell was the point of the past few months". It's also another case of CC just being too damn good at her job and loyal to her character to make us feel anything for Carly other than sympathy, no matter what the intentions of the writers are or not.
So here we are - Carly's supposed Day of Reckoning. Lucky for us it's also a day of reckoning for many others in Salem. Not as many as we'd like, but let's not look a cheap-ass gift horse in the mouth.
Vivian's Island
Vivian's day of reckoning comes in the form of a deserted island, some canned goods with no can-opener in sight, and a gay manservant on the verge of mutiny. Vivian is already plotting her revenge which may or may not include a "poisoned vodka" for Brady. I predict that at the rate Brady is going, by the time Vivian gets off this island he will have already succumbed to consumption by his own hand.
The Woodchipper
Hell hath no fury like a reheaded, loud-mouthed wood nymph scorned. After trying unsuccessfully to convince Daniel that he should punish Chloe by fighting for custody of Parker, she shows up at the hospital to let her father know she's been a busy little homeless bee and has acquired the contact information of an amazing divorce lawyer.
"Peter DeWitt. In Chicago they call him 'The Woodchipper'."
Okay, who else is intrigued?
Yes, Jane - there is a Santa Claus. An angry, vengeful Santa Claus.
Evidently Santa got my letter. Not only is Daniel's Lifesaver necklace nowhere in sight, his shirt is actually buttoned up.
Unfortunately I've noticed that Daniel is compensating for the buttons at the top by keeping a couple of the buttons at the bottom undone. Well-played, fat man. So now instead of that stupid necklace and a light smattering of chest hair, we're getting his navel. Santa, you done gone and did me wrong, and I won't forget it.
Chloe - Spell "hobo"
I gotta say - Chloe has been such a self-absorbed, selfish cow these days that I've been so looking forward to an episode like this. Daniel and his navel have been pretty damn easy on her considering. I mean, who helps a woman who schtupped his daughter's husband behind his back find a new place to live? Doctor Dan, that's who. I'm willing to bet it's only because Days retired their shady back alley set and can't budget for cardboard boxes, a shopping cart and a plastic rain poncho.
Chad goes to the DiMansion to tell Stefano to leave him alone
But of course.
"But it's not all my fault!"
Chloe tries to convince Carly that it's partly her responsibility to help Chloe clean up her mess because she's the one who got her into trouble in the first place.
You see, if Carly hadn't killed her abusive husband and Vivian's nephew, Lawrence, Vivian wouldn't have had cause to unleash her wrath on her. If Vivian didn't hate Carly so much, she wouldn't have tricked Chloe into thinking Daniel was cheating on her. If Chloe hadn't been tricked into thinking Daniel was cheating on her, she never would have gotten drunk and slept with Philip. So you can see how this all could have been avoided had Carly never existed, right?
Not once was an elevator shaft mentioned.
Not once was an elevator shaft mentioned.
Carly lets Chloe know the feeling is mutual.
"Any given day I'm so sorry that I met you."
Questionable Style Choices Pt. 2: Kate's...well...just everything
In times of emotional devastation, diamonds are still a girl's best friend.
"I'm not like you! I can't just let things go! I can't forgive those sadistic women! I can't forgive Philip! I can't forgive Chloe!"
But why should the jewellery suffer?
Gus is nobody's Wilson
"SHUT! YOUR! MOUTH!"
Stephanie throws Gammy B. under a bus
On seeing that Nathan is about ten seconds away from bolting after finding out his fiancee is a fruit-loop, Stephanie tries to convince him that it was all Grandma's fault. She wanted to tell him the truth, but Caroline begged her not to. In fact, Stephanie was trying to save her life by keeping the secret. Grandma's been under so much stress lately, what with Bo and Hope being on the run, Sami losing her kids, Johnny having cancer, blah blah blah. Nathan isn't buying it, probably because all of this stuff happened quite some time after Stephanie had already been sneaking around behind his back with her little pony-tailed flunky for months. Lordy...so many months.
I'll be honest with you - I was hoping Nathan confronting Stephanie was going to be an enchantingly public affair. I've been waiting a long time for Stephanie to fall rather inelegantly on her ass and frankly I'm rather disappointed. I know. Surprise. Nathan busting in on Stephanie while she's trying on her dress in their own apartment was just...well...anti-climactic. Not that I was expecting that while the Brady Bunch was gathered in the 400 year old church Stephanie had staked out the ground would split open and swallow them all whole, but I was at least expecting some measure of public humiliation and finger-pointing.
Kayla is a Brady
Which is pretty much the biggest insult I can fling at someone these days.
Continuing on with the theme that all evil was born from Carly's black, sour womb, Kayla decides to taunt her with the news that Carly will be facing grave consequences for her actions. Yeah, that's right. On her way from visiting her computer-savvy megalomaniac of a mother, Kayla informs Carly rather smugly that she will more than likely be stripped of her license to practice medicine (the only job a woman can have in Salem next to working at the Brady Pub, and we all know that's not going to happen). Calm and collected, Carly doesn't give Kayla the satisfaction of seeing her fall apart. This is rather reminiscent of the scene in which EJ stoically continued eating a bowl of jello while being confronted by Sami and Her Two Dads in the hospital.
Vivian's Brady Fantasy
There's really nothing I can add to this. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand topless, waxed, spray-tanned words.
In conclusion...
Okay. Is this episode worth watching? Uh - YES! Carly verbalizes everything we've been thinking (or at least I've been thinking) during her confrontation with Chloe. Stephanie gets knocked on her ass. Gus tells Vivian off. Vivian has a "sexy" fantasy about Brady while trying to wave down a ship with a couple of soup cans. I mean, come on.
P.S. Melanie's pregnant. Yawn.
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