Monday, January 10, 2011

Cheese and Crackers

The Day of Misguided Reckoning continues into today's episode.  It sort of made me think of a couple of scenes in Spinal Tap.  Specifically the scene following the Stonehenge disaster (one of the funniest scenes in the movie, as I'm sure most of you know - and if you don't know, you need to know now).

Instead of blaming Nigel for scribbling 11"x11" instead of 11'x11' on a cocktail napkin, resulting in a less than majestic on-stage representation of the mystical Stonehenge, the band blames Ian, the band manager, explaining to him that "it's not your job to be as confused as Nigel".  This is sort of comparable to what's happening to poor Carly in today's episode.  Because Chloe is the dimmest bulb in the box right now, none of the women of Salem seem to be blaming her for this whole paternity disaster.  It's all on Gnarly Carly.

Caroline has learned absolutely nothing

Gammy B. is buttoning up her Mary Worth cardigan over her orange Velma Dinkley turtleneck as Carly smiles and tells Caroline she heard she's being released this afternoon.

"Yeah. Not that it's any of your business."

"You know, I find that ironic coming from you."

"You're already up on ethical charges for misconduct.  Do you want to add harassment to it?"

Carly looks as though she wishes she had a bucket of water to hurl right about now.

To hell with Cancer


It seems that after who the hell knows how many weeks, Lexie and EJ are ready to find out they have a new baby brother.  Stefano is very eager to announce the glad tidings, so much so that he calls Lexie and EJ to meet him while she's on her way to work and he's rushing around getting ready for his wedding day and worrying about his cancer-stricken son.  When EJ points out that they're both too busy for an impromptu family meeting, Stefano snaps, "To hell with your busy day!"

How do we know Chad is a DiMera?  Because he's bigger than cancer.

Nathan is a big meanie

"I begged him to forgive me, and he just said all these mean things, and then he just walked out!"


See?  And Mark Hapka complained about Nathan being too much of a goody-goody.

Kayla is her mother's daughter


"If anyone is to blame for this, it's Carly Manning!"

Stefano tells us how babies are born

Talking to Lexie and EJ as if they are both twelve (which basically means the writers are talking to us like we're all twelve), Stefano tells his children that they have a brother.

"Years ago I had a relationship...and it resulted in a child."



 Fairly Serious vs. Just Plain ol' Serious

On their way to pick up Caroline from the hospital, Rafe informs Sami that Grandma's going to be charged for changing the paternity results.  Sami prays that her father and husband are not going to let her grandmother go to prison.


"Your grandma committed a fairly serious crime."

Um...compared to who?

"Now fortunately I was able to pull some strings in the D.A.'s office..."

Of course.

Chloe tries to reel a wriggly Dr. Dan back into her net

The door's about to hit Chloe's ass on her way out but she takes a last stab at convincing Daniel that he's making a big mistake by throwing their love away.  When Parker begins to cry, Chloe lifts some lines from Ari Zucker's script back during baby-swapping times when EJ was about to throw Nicole's fine ass, along with Sydney, out in the street.  She tells Daniel that he should go to Parker.  No matter what the paternity test says, Daniel is still Parker's father and "he needs you".

"This child is a Kiriakis.  Philip should raise him.  I'm sure he will," he mutters.

"But he may not want to!"

Nice Chloe.  That'll do it.

Is Rafe about to say something sensible?

Sami and Rafe arrive at the hospital to pick up Caroline who immediately starts going off about Carly again.

"Carly takes absolutely no responsibility for her actions!  I at least owned up to mine!"

Rafe plugs his ears and tells her that he doesn't want to hear it, after which he discovers who Sami gets her mean cut-eye from.

The scene ends there and I am stunned into silence.  Is Rafe actually going tell Caroline off?  Is he actually going to manage to choke out the words before the stench of hypocrisy asphyxiates the three of them?


We find out on our next visit that Rafe doesn't want to hear anything Caroline has to say about the paternity test mess because he's a cop and anything she says will have to go on record.  Do you hear the sound of one hand clapping?  That's me.

A star is desperate to be born

I usually don't notice what's happening in the background at the Brady Pub or the Cheatin' Heart because the sets are badly lit and I usually watch them between the fingers I'm holding over my face.  But today an extra on set jumped out at me.  Or she might as well have.


She wanders through the set as Stefano sits down at a table awaiting EJ and Lexie's arrival for their little family meeting.  Her eyes are the size of pinwheels and she looks like she's on hallucinogenic mushrooms as she dazedly walks by, smiling at nobody.

Where did she come from?  Who is she smiling at?  Will we ever know?  Probably not, but suddenly the universe seems vaster and even more mysterious than when I woke up this morning. 

EJ eats a cracker

Am I really going to make mention of this?  Hell, yeah.  See how he touches his lips with that goldfish cracker?  O that I were a goldfish cracker, that I might touch those lips...


The Temple of Doom

After inspecting Johnny's eye, EJ suggests he go get some milk and cookies, then they can sit and watch a movie together.

"Temple of Doom?" Johnny suggests excitedly.

EJ glances at his watch and smiles.  "Let's see.  It's been about...two days since you watched that."

Yeah, it's been about two days since I've watched Days, too.


Right about fucking everything.

I thank Laurisa Mahlin (one of Two Scoops at for that just about everyday.

Thanks, writers, for making Chloe about as simple as white bread

Chloe, not having enough shit to think about (which is already too much), calls up Melanie to find out if she's pregnant.  As you can imagine, Melanie is rather reluctant to discuss such a private and delicate matter with the woman who took her stepdaughter's unicycle out for a ride.

A tragically missed opportunity for product placement

We've had Arianna singing the praises of Midol, Sami making the hard sell on Chex Mix, and Grandma Brady switching from Chunky's Clam Chowder to frozen Chinese food.  How could an opportunity to pimp a pregnancy test pass us by?  Especially when a close-up is involved.

From the look on Melanie's face, POS must stand for "Pregnant?! Oh, shit!"

I'm not going to go into how I feel about Melanie holding what is essentially a pee wand over Maggie's kitchen table.

It doesn't bear repeating, but it repeats on us anyways

"I know I keep saying this but it bears repeating."

"What does?"

"That one of the things I love so much about you is your devotion to your kids."

"You mean our kids."

Lightning strikes twice

Still smiling.  Still high on life.

Wedding Dress

Really, Nicole?


Is the episode worth watching?  Meh.

The cancer stuff is still a huge drag and it looks like tomorrow's going to be more of the same.  More Carly bullying but as usual she takes it like a warrior woman.  The Brady women are frustrating to no end.  Rafe is still a tampon soaking in iodine.  EJ gives his new baby brother a very impressive Italian chin-flick (a picture wouldn't have done it justice).  Nathan tells Melanie he still loves her (which both Melanie and the viewers already know).  Stephanie has learned nothing from this whole soggy paternity rag and vows to continue plumbing new depths of desperation by trying to win Nathan back.



  1. You never cease to have me laughing out loud at your take on things. From the uber happy extra, to Melanie's POS and finally Stefano's talk about the birds and the bees...I was inelegantly snorting throughout.

    And thanks for the EJ Eats a Cracker sequence...for obvious reasons. :)

  2. Great commentary Diggy! Loved the snark!

    Special thanks for EJ eats a cracker. Oh, how I would love to be that cracker . . . :)

    krono at FL

  3. Great again, as usual! I wish I were a goldfish cracker, too!

  4. This was so hilarious, I'm gonna make reading this a daily thing.

  5. R.A.F.E.

    Right about fucking everything.