Whatever Happened to Baby Jane, Squared.

Strange, strange days/Days, my friend.

Today we are witnesses to more of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? - Now with extra Bette as Kayla becomes the next Brady woman unexpectedly thrown under the bus at the hands of Higley.  Sami is positively unbearable today and might be beyond redemption.  I hope against hope that isn't the case, but I can't help but worry that these writers lack the talent to be able to write her out of the volcano they sacrificed her to in the name of what might be the worst Days storyline (and biggest waste of the viewers' time) since the Salem Slasher.

Filler includes Nathan and Melanie having the exact same conversation they had yesterday, but this time they're standing on the pier.  Will reacts to Gabi's flirting like Linus does when he finds out his teacher has a boyfriend in the Peanuts' Valentine's Day special.  Bo tries to listen in on Warden Jane's conversation in the woods with the mystery man behind it all while crouching down in the white snow dressed entirely in black.  Daniel and his chest hair testify at Carly's hearing while his necklace remains in mourning.  Jennifer's make-up is still being applied with a butterknife.  Yawn.

Highlights?  A few.

 

EJ's Cosmic Freak-Out

After finding out that the cancer has spread to Johnny's other eye, EJ unleashes the delicious fury of a DiMera on poor ol' Dr. Kim.  The delicious, dark, handsome fury of a...

Wait, what was I talking about again?

Oh, yeah.

EJ says what we're all thinking

After Nicole manages to pry EJ off of Dr. Kim, he takes a second to calm down and try to understand what's going on.  Dr. Kim expresses his sympathy for what he is going through, despite the fact that his trachea almost collapsed beneath EJ's thumbs.

"I understand why you're upset.  But you need to understand that when we conducted that last test, there was no spot on the second eye.  None."

"So...what?  This thing just suddenly appeared?"

Faster than Dena Higley could say "shock value".

A good opportunity to save a little dough

Once again Allie asks when she's going to see Johnny again.  Once again Sami stands in the foreground looking miserable while Rafe tells Allie they'll be seeing Johnny soon.  Alot of money could have been saved just by wedging one of at least a dozen flashbacks depicting this exact same scene in there instead.  Then the cash saved could have gone towards some new bedsheets for Sami, a third shirt for Rafe, or some linseed oil for the bench on the pier.

Too Easy, Pt. I

Hope insists on tagging along on Bo's eavesdropping mission.

"What's the first thing you learn at the academy?  Never enter a dangerous situation without back-up."

"Yeah, well I was never a good student."

EJ in a box

Evidently, EJ has his very own grungy Pandora's Box tucked away somewhere in the recesses of the Salem Police Department that people can just sign out like a library book to browse at their leisure.

Honestly, prop guys.  You couldn't put his proper name on there?  Why didn't you just scribble "Junior" across the side with red crayon?

This means war

Kayla, frustrated that this whole medical ethics thingy is going to make her late for her Civil War re-enactment, finally snaps.

"My mother is under house arrest because she exposed something that Carly Manning was directly involved in!  My daughter's relationship is completely in tatters because of information that Carly was covering up!  My brother, who she was living with, is now on the run and he's accused of a multitude of crimes!  You know what?  It seems to me my entire family is falling apart, and all this board cares about is whether that DNA sample was taken legally!"

Colour me outraged.

Sami's Very Brief Adventures Through The Looking Glass, Pt. I

Sami remembers that EJ is marrying Nicole this afternoon.

"That's not going to make her a mother to my children."

"No, it's not."

You and Rafe would know, after all.

Flowers in the Attic

It's like watching Gabi flirt with her brother.

Not unlike the Sami/Rafe dynamic.

Too Easy, Pt. II

I guess it's still too soon after Caroline's stroke to dump the kids off on her for another round of Hide-the-Tamale with Sami and Rafe, so Allie's been doubling up on her piano lessons with one Mrs. Carson.

Sami proudly announces that Allie is a natural at the piano.  She also mentions that Mrs. Carson asked when Johnny would be returning.  My guess is that Sami didn't respond with, "As soon as his father gets over that whole bullet-in-the-head thing."

Rafe expresses how happy he is that Allie is enjoying her piano lessons.

"You know, they say learning the piano raises your I.Q."

EJ reads our minds

For absolutely no other reason than to take a stab at squeezing a couple of drops into the big, empty void that the hour of what we once called "entertainment"  used to fill for us Mondays to Fridays, EJ takes another ten steps back by refusing yet again to involve Sami in anything Johnny-related.



"Look, I'm sorry. I don't want Samantha coming down here and hijacking everyone's time and energy with her incessant drama."

Oh, EJ! Get out of my dreams, and into my car!

Nicole can read minds, too

Nicole tries to be the voice of reason.

"I know the idea of having Sami here crying her eyes out, acting all pitiful...Nobody wants it."

So, wait...Why do we want to call Sami again?

Lucky for Lexie that Carly isn't a Brady...

...otherwise she'd just tell everyone to fuck off.

Despite the fact that Carly is literally just minutes out of the hearing to decide whether or not she can still legally practice medicine, Lexie asks her if she can perform surgery on Johnny.

Sure.  Just hold my earrings for me.

Sami's Very Brief Adventures Through The Looking Glass, Pt. II

Nicole convinces EJ to head to the Smugnest to inform Sami about Johnny's surgery.  Sami, still unable to read facial cues, acts like a contaminated rag by not letting the pair get a word in edgewise.

"I'm happy to see that the bride came along because she doesn't trust the groom to be by himself for two seconds."



I honestly hoped that EJ would shout, "The cancer is back" while Nicole punctuated each syllable with the slamming of the Hernandez's locker door on Sami's head.

Safe Smug gets Cock-blocked

Continuing to ignore the tears in EJ's eyes and the jaw muscle leaping beneath his skin, Sami and Rafe fuse together to form a weapon of mass smugness as she mocks the fact that EJ and Nicole won't be getting married that afternoon because they've probably "run out of lies to tell eachother".

EJ finally tells Sami to shut up with enough firmness to his voice that she actually grants us a little mercy and stops talking.  Then he proceeds to reduce the wall of smug to rubble by breaking the news that Johnny's cancer has returned.

I never thought I'd say this in regards to a kid getting cancer, but since this is all just whimsical soap buggery - SNAP!  Jesus, did that ever feel good!

Worth watching?  James Scott is fantastic.  I know I say this all the time, but he's really kicking ass these days.  Ari Zucker continues to amaze, aswell.  Over the past couple of weeks, Nicole's been racking up sympathy points it's going to take Sami at least a decade to get her hands on at the rate she's flying towards hell in her little, plaid handbasket.  To see JS and AZ in action is worth sitting through the episode for.

Daniel shows some mercy for Carly, which is nice to see in light of all the shit she's been getting for allegedly pushing Philip into Chloe's vagina.  I actually yelped with glee when Carly was let off the hook, especially after Kayla's nonsensical rant about why Ms. Manning should be nailed to the front of the Brady Pub and made an example of to anyone else who dares think about crossing a Brady.