Friday, January 28, 2011

What Rhymes With Orange?

"Dr. Walters?!"

Evidently Jen  is less shocked that the love of her life abandoned his wife and children than she is that Ben is involved in this organ-snatching circus.  Still.

Substitute "circus" for "disaster".  "Circus" suggests that any bit of this storyline has been fun to watch.

This entire plan hinges on Bo turning around

Burt and Warden Jane need Bo to turn around so when they shoot him, it will look like he was "running from the law".  At this point, why do they need Bo to turn around?  Couldn't they have just brought another gun to plant on his body?  Couldn't they just shoot him in the chest and claim that he made a run at them?  Couldn't they have just shot him one of the dozens of times they had the chance when he was locked up in that room? 

Couldn't this have made so much more sense?  Of course it could have.  But this is Days, and sense ain't on the menu.

Sami Cries/Laughs/Cries Pt. I

For your own safety, do not look directly into the orange

Days Drama Beat

Rafe opens his eyes.  But then he closes them again.  Sami explains this all to Dr. Jonas, who tells her that he'll open them again eventually.

"But how do you know?"

Because he's the doctor, you half-wit.  Jesus Christ, Sami.

Oh, hey!  There's probably another way you could make a similar diagnosis...

Rafe doesn't have a scratch on him

No bandages in sight.  Perfectly fluff 'n' dried 'n' moussed hair.  Head moving from side to side (GG couldn't even lie still, fer chrissakes).  Is this a coma or a nap?

Had the make-up folks left for the afternoon?  Couldn't someone have at least taken the initiative before they left to grab Peter and rub his face across GG's a couple of times?

Stefano and EJ's plan makes no sense

But as previously mentioned, sense is not the order of the day.

Stefano insists that if EJ doesn't want to lose his children, they need to proceed with their ridiculous plan to let Rafenstein loose on Salem.  This begs the question (among hundreds of others), how is EJ going to lose the kids?  He has custody of them.  Everyone in town knows Sami shot EJ (with the exception of Gabi who's got the IQ of a turnip).  How could he lose them if not by going ahead with this dumb plan?

Another question is why would EJ go to all the trouble of making Sami believe that Rafe no longer loves her if the writers already knew at this point that Taylor was going to come on the scene?  Why would EJ let a stranger hang around his children?  A stranger who works for his father, no less.  A stranger who clearly has no problem altering his appearance to look like Rafe and therefore must be insane.

"This is all my fault."

Once again, Sami goes on and on about how this is all her fault.  Once again her weenie of a son is there to tell her that she shouldn't blame herself.

Like a Rolling Stone

Nicole briefly reminds us that she loves Brady but is happy to be a permanent fixture in Sydney's life.

She makes a toast:

"Here's to not getting what you want.  But sometimes you get what you need."

Sami Smiles and Cries Pt. II


Lee still hasn't noticed that Jen's hand is still tucked conspicuously behind her back.

What does she think Jen's hand is doing back there?  Digging for gold?

Sami tells Rafe that Johnny is wearing his FBI hat

Sami tells Rafe that he needs to get better because the children need him. She needs him. Oh - and that he's perfect.

They say that people in comas can still dream, and I'm pretty sure Rafe is having a wet one right now.

EJ Sighs

EJ watches Sami going on and on about how wonderful Rafe is and his reaction is pretty much the same as mine, which is why it gets its own mention.

Taylor Rides a Bus

Taylor talks to herself while riding the handbasket to hell.

By the way - in case you didn't already know, Taylor is going to visit Nicole.

Will explains away logic

After visiting Rafe in the hospital, Will and Gabi head back to the Smugnest where she tells him she is reluctant to call Mama H. to fill her in on what's happening after everything that happened with Arianna.

Two things would happen if I was in this situation:
  1. There would be no way I'd leave the hospital if my brother had been involved in a car accident, particularly with a woman who was hanging around my sister when she died in another accident involving a car.
  2. If my mother found out my brother had been in a car accident and I didn't tell her, she'd bury me next to my dead sister.

Sami and Rafe are in love, don't you know

Sami reflects on how perfect she and Rafe are for eachother.  She reminds us that they got eachother the same Christmas gift because they can read eachother's minds.  They finish eachother's sentences.

"You make me feel like a good person, and no one has ever treated me with that kind of respect before."

Whatever, Sami.

Jen goes on and on about...ah, who cares

Jen spends most of this episode trying to convince Lee that she won't tell anyone what she knows.  It's boring as hell, like just about every scene Jen's appeared in since her return.

Maybe some poor soul at University Hospital needs some vocal chords.

Sami Cries/Laughs/Cries Pt. III

Taylor, possibly high, noisily drops her purse

For reasons I'm sure we'll have to hear about right through spring.


Warden Jane has had it.

"I'm so SICK of this!"

Nothing to add.

Babes In The Woods

Hope and Carly watch all this epic action from the sidelines.

Harold Watch 2011

Once again, the doorbell rings and Nicole is the only person around to answer the door.

"This is so not happening when I'm lady of the manor."


Bo accuses another detective of being "a dirty cop"

He suggests that the detective interrogating him might be covering up for Burt.

Sure.  Why the hell not.

Sami Cries/Laughs/Cries Pt. IV

Where's Johnny?

Sami told Rafe he was waiting at home. Will and Gabi were at the hospital, as were EJ and Stefano (why that's not supposed to look suspicious, I have no idea). Will mentions specifically that Allie is at Stephanie's (of course). Nicole is at the DiMansion with Sydney. Granted - Nicole mentioned she was keeping Sydney up past her bedtime, so it could be that Johnny is asleep, but then why would Sami say he was waiting at the Smugnest?

Because this show makes no fucking sense, that's why.

Taylor has arrived

Sami Cries/Laughs/Cries Pt. V

Is this hygienic?

I hope they wash that thing and change the tape between each use.  Days is on a strict budget but the actors' physical well-being should come first.  Mind you, it's not like they even bothered to put the thing on her properly so maybe I'm worrying for nothing.


The surgeon deserves a medal for getting "douche" down perfectly.

Question:  How did they get him to sound like Rafe? How does that work? Do you hold auditions for voice acting first, and then conduct the surgery? Do you hire a Henry Higgins type to teach him how to mumble or would that go against everything Higgins stands for?

Another question:  Presumedly Team DiMera is going to make the switch during Sydney's upcoming birthday party.  If that's how it's going to go down, how are they going to know what Rafe is going to show up wearing? 

Oh, wait.  Nevermind.  There's a good chance he'll be wearing jeans and something plaid.

Would I watch this episode?  I'm not kidding you when I tell you Sami cried and laughed and cried her unsympathetic ass through this entire episode and it was positively nauseating.  I'm going to assume that the reason EJ had to be witness to part of this whole vomit-inducing  scene was two-fold. One is so that he'd have no lingering doubts about unleashing Rafenstein on a unsuspecting Salem (and a sick and tired general audience), and the other is so that EJ thinks it's probably time to give up on Sami because she's clearly so in love with Rafe, thereby opening the door for the "enchanting" moment with Taylor.

Short of eating a litter of kittens on a spit, EJ is going to continue to look better than both Sami and Rafe.  Actually, I'm not even sure the kitten thing would drag him down right now. 

The problem is that this whole evil double thing is so ridiculous, and so much of a soap storyline stereotype that there's no way it's going to overshadow Sami shooting a drunk, passed out EJ in the head and the subsequent scenes of Stefano holding him and begging God for his life.

A toast!  You can't always get what you want.  And when you're watching Days, the odds are pretty good that you won't be getting what you need either.


  1. Oh this is so much more entertaining then the show. I laughed so hard my sides ache. Those pics of GG made it pretty clear that he can't even do a good job acting like he's asleep lol. WTH with the expression on his face? He looks like he is constipated. And I am not seeing a difference in the new Rafe. You look at the pictures of Nighttime Hope or Gina and you notice a difference from the real Hope in her body language and expression.
    I think I am actually excited about this sl line now because of all the great snark material it will provide you with. Thanks so much for your great PBP

  2. So, Sami says that Johnny is at home in the Snugfest. I thought he was still in the hospital. Isn't there even a spoiler out there that says Rafe and Johnny both come home from the hospital on the same day? Shaking head.

    So agree about GG's un-inspiring performance as a person in a coma. No blood or bruises from the car accident? Arianna had more scrapes. JS saved his head for authenticity for pity sakes. And in those scenes with JM he really looked unconscious. Completely limp. And during EJ's coma there wasn't even any eye movement to be seen. GG couldn't do any fake blood? Or fake face wounds? Thought Rafe had possible brain damage-memory loss. How, if there are not wounds anywhere? Guess he can't allow himself to be seen as less that perfect. Also, the man truly cannot act his way out of a wet paper sack. It boggles the mind that tptb seem to want to make him the star of this show.

    By the way I really like your blog. Go Girl! Keep up the snark.

  3. - Cabbage Patch Kids...that takes me back...
    Really what is up lately with wardrobe?!
    ...the palid...the color matching,,,the purple and blue...Kate....

  4. Bravo Diggy...I truly loved this episode through your eyes...still not watching!
    When the hell are they going to save Sami...Ali better be investing in some Botox visits after the work out she has been giving her mug. oy...
    Did they really change the direction of this story Rafe1/2 to save GG? EPIC FAIL!


  5. Diggy,

    Thank you so very much for the snark and the commentary. It does make this show bearable. I just don't get how any of these writers think any of this is any good? (I watched US Friday episode and kept thinking HUH on how they were doing things. The reveal of Carly and Jen figuring out it was organ transplant ring was so blah I couldn't believe it. Y&R has more drama surrounding a court order to take a video off a website. Wish I was exaggerating, but I'm not. I've gone to recording Y&R and if I'm around, I'll flip back and forth to Days. Ugh, it's really horrible.

    And not even a frikking band aid on Rafe by Monday's show? LOL Stupid, stupid stupid.

    Thanks for doing this, Diggy! Wish you actually wrote for the show.

  6. Why are they trying to make EJ stupid? He was the smartest of the bunch. GG doesn't have anyone tickling him under the sheets like he did with James, so what is his excuse? Bad actor, you say, okay.

  7. i love your blog so funny ...
    lol at the dawson pics (james van der beek made a hilarious funny or die about this scene)

  8. Dear Diggy,

    Having read your column this weekend, I knew this was one episode I needed to see. I'm so glad I did. Wasn't the Rafe2 Reveal a hoot? The pan starting with the blue jeans and ending with the most goofy looking smirk I've ever on Ralph's face was a Capital A Day for me! I'm thinking about making it my new avatar!

    Love ya, Girl!

  9. You are the ish baby :D .. Can't wait for the next one :D

  10. You hit every single point! This is exactly the kind of stuff I think when I'm watching the show. It's the reason I'm able to watch every single day, otherwise I would have given up a long time ago lol Comparing Sami to Dawson was genius! And "Smugnest," flove that!
    Bravo! -maej26