Spoilers getting to you? A couple of coils away from finishing up that noose you started making with Sami and Rafe's wedding rope?
Let's take a moment to untwist and get some fresh air into our lungs, shall we?
Today's day ahead eppy was yet again more of the same. Not too many highlights in this episode, but I did find these moments somewhat enjoyable.
Everyone in Blue
There must be some sort of Channukah thing happening on Days lately because everyone is wearing something blue. Brady, Bo, Nicole, Stefano...
But, of course, it isn't nauseating until this...
Even the plates, napkins and placemats are blue. The food might have been blue, too. Who the hell knows.
Sami gives Rafe some wicked cut-eye
Rafe and Will are both talking down to Sami, insinuating that she's a moron (unfortunately, to their credit, she has been these days) and that she needs to sit on her thumb and rotate while Rafe takes care of things. It's frustrating to watch, but it bears a particularly delicious fruit.
Rafe is off to "save the day" in his usual fashion
...which is basically to get someone to do all the gruntwork for him so he can duck in to take the credit at the very last minute.
Rafe gets a call from yet another "guy" he got to keep an eye out on EJ. I just imagine a clubhouse full of unemployed former FBI agents hanging out, trying to keep a light touch on the good ol' days by taking little pro bono projects here and there. Sort of like retired seamstresses who like to stay sharp by hemming the occasional pant leg.
Rafe tells Sami that his "guy" has informed him that Stefano and EJ are receiving a shipment from Thailand this evening, and that he figures some fishy DiMera business is afoot. You know how the rest of this goes because you've seen Rafe hiding in the same corner of the pier trying to get dirt on the DiMeras about a bazillion times. Honestly someone should just put a bear trap there to wait for him. I guarantee that ten minutes from any given time, someone who isn't supposed to be hearing what they're hearing will step in it, and eight out of ten times that someone will be Rafe.
Carly and Jen talk about jack/Jack
I love Jen. I do. But Jen needs Jack for me to truly enjoy her return to the show. And since that ain't happening, all we have is name-dropping via Jen's bitter, bitter heart.
Carly is looking at an open laptop. She's says nothing for a moment before passing it along to Jen.
Carly (awkwardly): He looks...good in the hat.
Jen: Well, that's why he put it up there - because he knows he looks good in the hat. Don't you think it's kind of unbelievable, though, that he put up this blog for the whole world to see?
Carly: How'd he get that koala bear to sit in his lap?
Jen: He probably told it that he would spend the rest of his life trying to make it happy! Just like he did me!
Hope looks like a monkey after he's eaten a tube of lipstick out of some woman's handbag
Feliz Navidad, Gabi
Will tells Gabi about how much he and Allie are missing Johnny and Sydney, but Gabi doesn't seem even mildly interested in why or where they've gone.
She tells Will about missing Arianna, and how much she loved Christmas. The Hernandez family had all sorts of traditions, you know; like Advent calendars and Christmas tamales. That's supposed to be cute, by the way. Apparently all these people eat are tamales. And they ride donkeys and wear big floppy sombreros. Because that's what Hispanic people do, you know.
EJ in his coat
Poured into that coat like agave nectar, he was.
Can Rafe get any lazier?
"You two better not be jerking me around."
You know what I like to do for shits and giggles? I like to hang out on dark street corners at night looking shady. I know that eventually some sucker will drag himself out into the cold to see what I'm up to. Am I a drug dealer? Am I a hooker? Am I selling fake Movado watches? Am I going to squeegee your window? Or am I just messing with your mind, man?
Rafe could be having sex right now...
After Stefano tries to ease EJ's worries by telling him that small children have small problems, his son bids him goodnight, having heard quite enough, and begins to stroll in the direction of home (about ten feet away).
Across the river (assumedly), Rafe puts down his binoculars, wondering out loud where EJ could be going "in such a hurry".
A waste of five minutes of our lives, but at least he's fully clothed and not having sex. The glass is half-full.
Live long and prosper
Adorable, but wrong signal, kid.
Who wants to see if I can peel this orange?
It's infinitely more suspenseful than "Who grabbed Sami?"
Sami spots EJ returning as she tries to sneak out the front door (if you can call leaving the house through the front door sneaky). She makes a run for the patio doors. Once outside a mysterious man grabs her, covering her mouth.
Guy Incognito is wearing Rafe's jacket, and while I would love it if the man of mystery got a hold of Rafe's jacket after beating him to a pulp and mugging him, logic and a kindergarten education tells us that it's Rafe.
You know what would have been a more exciting way of ending the episode? Anything.
To make this ending even more ridiculous, in the preview for tomorrow's episode we see Rafe hiding behind a nylon shrub with Sami. So even if you don't have that kindergarten education, you can still rest easy having figured out that Sami hasn't been kidnapped and sold into white slavery. Yet.
So there you have it. A boring episode, but I'm hoping that I at least saved you from the agony of watching it for yourself. If you're pvr/dvr-ing, I suggest you watch the EJ/Stefano scenes just because - hello? - COAT! Also, Tony's name gets dropped and who doesn't love that?
Speaking of brothers --
Stefano is about to tell EJ about Chad being his brother but for some reason beyond any comprehension, when next we see them they're talking about something completely different. Way to go, writers!
Okay. Now I'm done. I promise.