Today's eppy could honestly have been condensed into about fifteen minutes. I don't mean just the Ejami-related stuff, either. The entire thing. I really had to reach to find anything even mildly interesting to relate to you. I'm not entirely sure I'd recommend the episode unless you like watching Brady and Nicole doing it to Corday's patented sexophone music.
So my commentary today is not only coming very late in the evening, it's also very short because the eppy was duller than a bowl of plain, steel-cut oats. Or Rafe. I apologize.
But here are some little things I did enjoy here and there.
Three men and a babe
It's finally happened. Every man in the room has had their hands all over Chloe's boobs.
And...speaking of boobs...
Now, really. I'm not sure what to make of the fact that the first thing I noticed wasn't the adorable baby, but Telly Savalas and Yul Brynner wrestling in Chloe's top.
I'm not sure what decade she thinks it is. Up until just before she had her hand stitched to her belly she was dressing like an air stewardess circa 1964. Now she's dressing like Ann Margret.
Nathan gets footloose
I love Nathan. I do. He's pretty adorable, and I'm sure that all it'll take is a light smattering of facial hair to grow him up a little, unlike Will who needs to be...well...played by someone else.
I've noticed, though, that stylists don't seem to know what to do with his hair. They've tried combing and parting it on the side but he just ended up looking like Burt Ward.
Today they have Nathan sporting Kevin Bacon's hair from Footloose.
Will any stylist on this show acknowledge that it's the 21st century? Between Chloe's 60's mini-dresses, Nathan's Burt Ward hair, Kate dancing in the purple rain and Stephanie's Star Trek-looking hanger nipple top, I'm starting to think the answer to my question is "no".
Caroline has discovered the internetz
Now that we've discovered (completely out of left-field) that Caroline knows how to use a computer, the writers are going out of their way to make sure we don't forget it.
Caroline announces to Daniel (who cares about as much as I do) that Stephanie and Nathan have moved up their wedding date.
Stephanie: Let's just take out a full ad in the newspaper.
Caroline: The paper? Don't you think that's a bit 20th century? How about I twitter it instead?
Stephanie: I may even add you on Facebook.
Then they laugh and Daniel, having just found out Philip has cheated on his daugher, doesn't. It's all very awkward, but not as unsettling as thinking about Caroline Brady being unleashed on the internet.
Abe accuses Lexie of infidelity
It just does all the work for me, doesn't it?
Melanie, meet Schadenfreude
Remember when Melanie was a fun little cheeky monkey? Yeah, I don't either. It's just been so long. Every once in a while we get a little reminder that Melanie is the devil.
Today Melanie confronts Nathan about his delerium-induced declaration of love and the wish-I-had-a-shotgun wedding that's been moved up. After deciding that they're soulmates despite having admitting that they have absolutely nothing in common and don't really know eachother anymore, Nathan reminds Melanie that she's married and that Stephanie "gets him".
In another example of Days wasting my bloody time, Dr. Ben greets Nathan's news that he and Stephanie have moved up the wedding by telling them that it just isn't a good idea. After the commercial break, we find out that Ben is merely concerned about Nathan deciding to get married so soon after almost dying. But before the commercial break, we got a delicious little glimpse of Melanie's reaction to the possible wedding cancellation.
God, I love Melanie.
Nathan is a doctor, don't you know
"Why does everyone around here seem to forget that I am also a doctor?"
EJ asks Nicole to move into the guest cottage
"It's free room, free board, you get to spend time with Sydney, and it'll really annoy Samantha."
Sounds good to me.
Dr. Dan forgoes comfort for sexiness
Among other things, I'd like Dr. Dan to either start wearing rugby sweaters, or get another necklace. If you think I'm being selfless, I'm not. This is all about me. If I have to see that stupid necklace again, I will find you. Mark my words. I will find you, fat man.
On an unrelated note - why is the pier decorated? To bring some Christmas cheer to the perverts, muggers, crime bosses and crooked former FBI agents of Salem?
Lexie wants to kill Sami
After Abe apologizes to Lexie for freaking out on her over a hug, he explains to her that Sami got him all worked up by reminding him of Lexie's past affairs. After Abe leaves, Lexie grabs up her purse and rushes from the hospital with white knuckles and fire in her eyes to track down Sami.
She shows up at the smugnest where she comes face-to-face with Rafe. Rafe doesn't notice that anything is bothering her, and in fact seems to think that because he wanted to talk to her, he's actually willed her to him with his incredible powers of the mind.
I know it's not in the cards, but I would love to see Lexie drop Sami like a sack of dirt. Hm. Rafe, too.
Rafe swings by the DiMansion to show EJ the pictures of Johnny taken at the fairytale wedding.
Leading up to Rafe actually handing over the pictures, EJ has a little fun with him by teasing him about all the stuff he's been left in the dark about. Just regarding Sami, and only over the past twenty-four hours, I mean. Otherwise the scene would have gone on the whole rest of the week.
"I need you to take a look at these and tell me what you see."
Okay, so I had to listen to Rafe demanding that EJ look at the pictures about twenty times when I could have been listening to EJ's snarky list of things he sees while looking at photos of Batman's wedding to Jane Mansfield in Sherwood Forest. Missed opportunities such as this make me weep.
Most of the rest of the episode was Brady and Nicole having sex. I still say Nicole's face gets red during their pelvic affiliations because she's allergic to Brady's chest wax.
The episode was pretty damn dull, I have to tell you. On a scale of one to ten I'd give it about a six or a seven. I would have loved if Nicole and Brady's faux break-up had happened in front of Victor, or new roomie Kate as oppose to just boring ol' Henderson.
Again - missed opportunities.