The Serenity to Accept the Things I Cannot Change

At first glance, I thought this was a tedious episode.  I forget, sometimes, that these people aren't going to do exactly what I want them to.  There's more than one Salemite on today's show that needs to be reminded of the same thing.

ABE AND THEO

Wasn't it great to see Abe and Theo?  Gosh, Abe looked handsome in those glasses and that goatee.  I loved the new look.  The coat, the gloves, the tie...it was all good.  Let's get this Kayla/Abe romance on the road now, Days.  The Carvers' appearance on the show was all too brief.  I want to see more of them, especially now that Abe is apparently looking into the financial repercussions of all the damage that the explosion in the tunnels caused.  Let's get Gabi together, Abe.  I've got a fedora I can wear, too.

JULIE

I never pass up a chance to see Julie, but I came very close to doing it today.  I'm all for Julie wanting to protect her own, just as I'm all for Sami and Kate doing it.  I loved that Julie pointed out that she and Sami share some similarities, reminding us of her bad girl past.  Not a lot of Salemites are very good at admitting to having a dark side, especially with such a proud, knowing little smile on their face.  

My problem, of course, is that this is the second time we've seen her do little more than come in, stir some shit, then leave, presumably on another whirlwind cruise or impromptu trip to Africa.  I didn't like her cornering Sami in her office and telling her to mind her own business, particularly since we're talking about Sami's son and granddaughter (Good on Sami, by the way, for pointing out to Will that Julie hasn't had a paternity test since Nixon was in office - snap, snap, snap).  Seriously, does every woman over the age of fifty on this show need to be a hypocritical old biddy watching the concept of irony sail clear over their heads of big, poofy hair?  

My hopes are that, as this custody stuff escalates, we'll get to see more of Julie, as well as a few other currently AWOL Hortons.  If no one is going to heed their own advice and watch their boundaries, it might as well be as messy as possible.  I want this thing to turn into a full-blown, modern-day Hatfield and McCoys.  Then I want Team Nick to eat crow.  Does Maggie still bake or does she leave all that up to Victor's house staff now?

WILL

Will, Will, Will.  What are you doing to me, kid?

Cutting your mother down in front of Julie?  Like father, like son.  Seriously, what is the problem here?  Just get your damn incubator to have a paternity test done.  If you want to know what the risks are, ask a doctor.  Your aunt is a doctor.  Your virginal cousin's boyfriend is a doctor.  Or why not remember how to use the internet, hack-attack, and look it up?  You're old enough now to know you can't control other people's actions, particularly those of your mother, but you can control your response.  

Alright, fine.  I guess I shouldn't be too hard on you.  If your grandmother was an even half-decent psychiatrist, you'd know all this already.  Set another place at Team Nick's table, Julie.  I sure hope there's enough crow to go around.

NICOLE AND RAFE

I still believe Nicole and Rafe spark together, but I'm not willing to sacrifice their friendship for just a spark.  I think it's nice that Nicole has a "good guy" like Rafe on her side, even if he never seems to be around when Hope is picking at her, or Lucas is screaming at her.  Right now he's Molly Ringwald in the Breakfast Club.  He's perfectly lovely to Nicole when no one's looking, but would he stand up for her in front of his friends?

I'm not even going to touch his "Everything Sami ever said about you is wrong" garbage.  There are two bad girls here, Rafe.  They don't take turns.

DANIEL, MAGGIE, JENNIFER AND CHLOE

ERIC, NICOLE, AND JOHNNY SUEDE

For a few minutes, I thought that aforementioned flicker of faith in humanity that Eric possesses was adorable as he stubbornly tried to save Johnny Suede and his lopsided pompadour's soul.  Then the junkie kept waving that gun of his around and bouncing it off our poor boy's head and I found myself yelling, "Stop yammering and just give him the fucking money!"

I felt awful for poor Nicole, who refused to give up her mother's necklace.  At first I thought it was stupid that she was willing to call Johnny Suede's bluff and risk getting her head blown off for a piece of jewelry, but then I remembered that the police force in Salem is utterly useless and if Nicole didn't keep an iron grip on that necklace, she was never going to see it again.  And we know Hope has no faith or miracles for that girl, so...

GABI

It still kills me that Camila Banus is getting this major storyline in which she's playing opposite actors like Blake Berris, Chandler Massey, and Alison Sweeney, while a very talented Kate Mansi is stuck playing Carol Seaver in a never-ending episode of Growing Pains.

More puzzling is where we're supposed to stand with this girl.  I keep getting mixed messages from her.  This could be because she's got as many facial expressions on offer as her brother does, but who knows for sure?  One day she's whining to Nick about how she doesn't want Sonny and Will to reunite, the next day she's telling Sonny he needs to suck up his pride and take Will back.  One moment she's telling Nick that he shouldn't think Sonny and Will can't be good fathers because they're gay, and in the next, she's taunting Sonny by telling him that he'll never share the kind of bond she shares with Will because they can never have children together.  Pick a track and stay on it, Gabi.

I hope that baby comes out sideways with a fork in its hand.

IN CONCLUSION

What the hell is that thing on Dan's shirt?  I've seen it a few times now.  Is it embroidered on there?  Do you know?  Care to wager a guess?