I Just Want to Bang on the Drum All Day

Remember when Kristen trying to sink her claws into Brady while mind-fucking Marlena was the only thing Days had going for it?  That's no longer the case.  In fact, I've been finding that the Kristen/Brady stuff has been dragging episodes down as of late.  That's because Nick Fallon is working overtime.  He's the big bad on the show now, and he's making Kristen's plan look even sillier than it already looks.  The only person who's dared to take on Samantha Gene Brady again and again in recent years is one EJ DiMera, and they're playing on the same team now.  Kristen's only adversary is...Oh, wait. She doesn't have an adversary.

MARLENA

You know what makes me a Jarlena shipper?  It isn't that I harbour any real fondness for either half of the pairing.  It's because I need John around to keep Marlena occupied.  Marlena gets lost in John.  When he's around, he's the most important thing in her life.  I mean, let's face it - Marlena only really involved herself in the Brady/Kristen stuff because she was trying to keep Kristen away from John.  Her ridiculous behaviour in today's episode tells me this is still all about John.  She wants him to come back.  If I'm supposed to be thinking there's concern for her children there, TPTB have to work a little harder, because all I'm hearing when she opens her mouth is "Johnjohnjohnjohnjohn...John...Johnjohnjohn...", especially when she told Brady the reason no one called him to let him know about Gabi's "medical emergency" is that his family didn't think he'd take their calls.  Um...what?  I must have missed that conversation.  

Is anyone else glad Kate didn't voluntarily ask Marlena to elaborate on her "I've had better weeks" comment?  I was almost hoping Abigail would interrupt the conversation to let them both know she's a virgin.

ERIC AND NICOLE

Before laying a guilt trip on Brady, Marlena swung by the church to see if her son was okay.  Within moments, she was complaining about Brady, Kristen, Sami, and EJ.  She also evil-eyed Nicole, passive-aggressively hinting that she trusted Eric enough to know he would never get tangled in Nicole's sticky, sticky web of sin.  First of all, Doc, your son already has - twice.  Secondly, your trust in your children, along with your memory, is extremely selective.  

Enough of Marlena.  Let's talk about Eric and Nicole.  I'm a little tired of Nicole telling me over and over again that she's going to leave town without ever following through.  Not because I want Nicole to leave.  I love Nicole.  Nicole is my girl.  It's because it's time that could be better spent elsewhere.  The threat became little more than filler ages ago, like multiple flashbacks of things that happened yesterday, day after day after day of Kristen begging Brady to marry her, et cetera.  How's about instead of leaving town, Nicole, you find another job, move into your own apartment, and avoid talking to or seeing Eric?  Rafe is always trying to talk you out of leaving town, so why not ask him to put you up for a few weeks?

As for Eric, that hug the other day was something, wasn't it?  It's all working for me.  That hug was like two sides of the same coin.  Nicole is more than aware of how deep her feeling run for Eric.  On the other side we have poor, confused Eric who seems to have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on.  He loves all of God's children, but he loves one of them just a little more than the others, and almost cupped that kid's ass coming out of that hug. 

SAMI

Nick, is you tweakin'?  Threatening to keep Sami away from her granddaughter?  Trying to screw over her son?  That shiv in your side is going to feel like you survived a tickle fight with Nicole by the time Sami's done with you.  Not that there's any doubt in my mind Sami can handle this all on her own, but I'm so looking forward to watching her take Nick and his dehydrated girlfriend down with...

EJ

...by her side.

BRADY AND KRISTEN

Remember when Kristen was a force to be reckoned with?  Now she's resorted to squeezing out crocodile tears to get Brady to move into the DiMansion with her.  The sad thing (Okay - the saddest thing) is that it worked, even after she struggled to tell Brady exactly what was supposed to be wrong with Stefano.  How dumb is Brady supposed to be exactly?  He managed to figure out that Nicole had planted those stolen Titan files on Kristen's laptop, so am I to assume he hasn't completely lost his mind?

Kristen's story was long, confusing, and I didn't see what about it made Brady want to forgive her for the initial lie he caught her in.  She was blubbering on and on and he wanted to make her stop.  That was basically it.  Damn.  This storyline had so much promise when it started out, didn't it?

WILL AND SONNY

Will and Sonny are back together!  Hurrah!  You know, I think the confrontation with Nick really lit a fire under Sonny, and I liked it.  I liked it so much, in fact, that I've added "Sonny locked in a room alone with Nick and Gabi" to my Days wishlist.  I have a feeling he'd tear those two to pieces.    

JOBS

Today, Jen is working at home, because she "works better without interruptions".  Interruptions like, say, work.  Of course, she dressed up and accessorized to work from home.  As someone who works from home, I'm in lounge wear almost 24-7.  By "lounge wear" I mean fleece pyjamas with skiing polar bears on them.  When I'm all dressed up and working from home, it's called, "Expecting someone to show up".

I'm not even going to touch those tights she was wearing, because...

In my defense, I was sixteen and it was Halloween. That weird splat over my eye and the dark lipstick was a one-time thing, and I only ever wore the dog collar, the handcuffs, and the leather whip on birthdays and other special occasions.  Jennifer has no defense here.  It's 2013, she's in her forties, and she's trying to compete with the likes of Chloe.  From the waist up, she looks great.  From the waist down, she looks like Siousxie Sioux.  Mind you, it's a step up from the electric blue tights and the beige mega-heels.

Virgigail is able to put two and two together very quickly and tells her mum she knows she's working from home to avoid Daniel (like Daniel is ever at work).  Jennifer, in the meantime, is pacing the room and staring at her phone as though it might project a three-dimensional hologram of Daniel a la R2-D2.  

Guess who else was "working" today?

I know, right?  I hope you were sitting down.

Rafe opens by being pleasantly surprised to find Father Eric at the church and Nicole where she both lives and works.  Now I see how he earned that promotion back in August.  Finally.  Of course now that he's lucked out and found both of them in the same place, he's got the whole rest of the day free!  More on that later!

ABIGAIL

When Abigail told Jennifer she needed to put her foot down where Chloe "manipulativeslut.com" Lane was concerned, I was hoping she'd take a second to compare the Jennifer/Daniel/Chloe situation to the whole "I tried to steal Carrie's husband" thing.  But that would have been too much of a reminder of how awesome Abby used to be, I guess.  Instead she said, "One thing that I've learned recently is that you have to stand up to people like Chloe Lane, otherwise they'll walk all over you every chance they get."  Someone help me out here - what the hell is she referring to?  I'm serious.  I'm drawing a complete blank here.

Exactly.

JOBS PT. II

More people "working" today.

Rafe is at the coffee shop trying to convince Nicole to testify against Johnny Suede, which means Roman didn't bother seeing his end of the deal he made with Eric through.  He just dumped the case on Rafe who smugly informed Eric that whatever ended up happening to the junkie was up to the judge.  Rafe proceeded to take Nicole's statement over a couple of cups of strong, bold decaf, during which he decided to take a few minutes to call the woman he's currently sleeping with.  Luckily, Kate's job also involves wandering aimlessly about town, so she has some time to flirt with Rafe.  Daniel took a short break from work so he could interview prospective nannies.  That fell through, so instead he's off to the Horton homestead to have sex with Jennifer.  Anne was in the middle of a meeting with some good-fer-nothing employees (who were actually at work), but left to babysit Parker.  Brady, Kristen, Marlena...These are all people who tell us they have jobs, but are never seen actually doing them, or even talking about them.  The only person who seems to be doing any actual work is Eric, who spent today's episode asking Abe to help him start a program for convicted felons.  He doesn't just work.  He wants more work.

Seriously, Days. Why even bother trying to keep up the pretense anymore?

IN CONCLUSION

In conclusion, here is a picture of a Daniel and Jennifer scene being fast-forwarded.