Friday, April 19, 2013

...Then She Said, "YES!"

Obviously this should have been written and up the other night, but, as it turns out, it's actually better that I had a day or two to process everything that happened on Tuesday's episode. By "everything", of course, I mean the marriage proposal, which was EVERYTHING. When I tried to write last night, I stared at my big, glowing monitor for about two hours and the only word that came to me was "fadlkjdasdkkddk".  I decided to keep that word to myself and sleep on it. Not the word. The episode.

Anyways, it was a good thing. I had a whole day and night to absorb everything that happened. If you're thinking, "Jesus H. Christ. It was just a stupid soap marriage proposal", I'm feeling a little sorry for you. It really wasn't.

I found myself connecting with Sami on many different levels yesterday, which threw me for a bit of a loop. Leading up to the proposal, I was happiest for EJ. Poor EJ has waited how long to get to the place he and Sami are in now?  Hell, I've waited how long? Yeah, that's right. Seven bloody years come next month.  But on Tuesday I was all about Sami.

As someone with Bipolar Disorder, I found the whole episode very touching, though I'm pretty sure it wasn't just me. My Bipolar Disorder and I have the same sort of relationship Sami and her bad girl side have, or at least that's what I was feeling watching Sami's breakdown yesterday.  I wouldn't trade my BPD for the world. It's part of what makes me who I am.  For the longest time I thought I'd have to keep my mental illness from people. My parents didn't quite understand why I was the way I was when my siblings weren't. The only thing spoken between us on the subject back then was that whatever was wrong with me was something I needed to put effort into fixing, and that I needed to keep anything I already knew about it to myself. I was thinking about that yesterday when Sami was talking about people loving only parts of her, or who they thought she was. When EJ verbalized what we already knew, that he loves her for who she is ("the good, the bad, and everything in between", as he said years ago), I was touched in a whole new way.

You know that I'm ridiculously insecure, and that I always have been, but...I don't know. Somehow it seems justified, you know? Any time somebody tells me they love me, they don't really mean it. They don't really love me. They love some small part of me, or who I'm pretending to be, or who they think I am...or they love me but they want to change me...


One of the things that gives me a great deal of confidence in my relationship with Alex that I never really had in any other is that he has never treated my array of mental illnesses as something that needed to be put up or done away with. They're all a part of who I am. I'm not saying Sami's tendency to be naughty is anything like a mental illness, but I am saying that it's a part of who she is. It's her fire. It's a fire she struggles to keep from getting out of control, much like my own fires, but if someone were to put it out, she just wouldn't be Sami anymore. If someone were to take away any or all of my mental illnesses, I just wouldn't be me anymore. I'd be lost. So, yeah - I connected with her in a way I wasn't expecting to.  I was fully expecting to start yelling, "Holy envelope-on-a-coffee-table, Sami! What the hell is your problem?! Just say yes!", but I didn't.  Instead, I kind of found myself getting a little weepy watching her stammering and sobbing. My heart broke when she apologized to EJ for ruining the moment, then a second time when she blurted out "yes!" and kissed him so that he wouldn't have to wait a second longer than he already had.

There have been times I've wondered if a marriage proposal from EJ to Sami would even mean anything to me anymore. Soaps have done this to me in recent years. Actually, scratch that. Days has done this to me in recent years. There was a time when I believed that soap love was forever. Victor and Nikki, Luke and Laura, Bo and Hope, John and Marlena, Jack and Jennifer...they were all couples I just knew were going to be together forever, because when they weren't together, they were thinking of each other, or they were talking about each other, or others were talking about them. Soaps constantly reminded us that these two people were meant to be together, and that we should tune in daily to find out when and how it was going to happen. It was comforting and it gave us all one less thing to worry about. It was one pay-off we were almost always assured of getting. They may have lost friends, siblings, sons, daughters, or parents along the way, but they almost never lost each other.

Gosh. Even when Victor and Nikki hated each other they loved each other.

Over the past three years or so, though, I'd learned that nothing was ever a guarantee, and not because it couldn't be. Yeah, okay. Love isn't always forever, and in the real world, shit happens and relationships fall apart. You end up with the wrong person, or someone you care about ends up with the wrong person, or ends up with the person you think is the wrong person, because who can ever be one hundred percent sure of something like that, et cetera. Soaps aren't real-life, though. I want soap love to be forever. Once that character finds their perfect someone, I want to know those two perfect someones will spin around each other for the duration of their soap lives, until it's no longer possible. And by "no longer possible", I mean beyond even the capabilities of the writers, the show, hell - even the network. Nothing short of real-life death should be keeping some of these characters apart. It's one of the reasons I'm so incredibly bitter over losing Jack Deveraux. There was absolutely no reason for it, other than some dimwit out there deciding he couldn't be bothered to write for him, or deciding that Dan was meant to be Days' next generation of leading men and there was no longer room on the canvas for more than two or three complex characters at a time (obviously I stopped talking about Dan towards the end of that sentence there). Who the hell knows. All I know is that we got royally shafted, and my ass still really smarts from it.

The proposal and the conversation leading up to Sami saying yes restored my faith in soap love. It also sort of restored my faith in Days in general. TPTB have it in them to fix what they've broken if they feel so inclined to. It was something I very desperately needed proof of after that tremendously awful Dannifer/Chloe storyline I thought would never end. Come on, Days. You can make this show great again. I know you can. You're under a helluva lot more pressure now. I won't accept anymore C's or D's now that I know you could be giving me A's and B's. 

Can you use those perfect fingers of yours to wipe my tears away, too?

Anyways, I was thinking that maybe the EJ/Sami proposal would be exciting for me simply because it was happening and it was about fucking time, but that would be as far as my worn out little heart could be bothered to take it. EJ and Sami have two children together, they've been married to other people, and they're both in their thirties. Will a marriage proposal still be something for a jaded viewer like myself to be excited over?  Oh, it was. If I wasn't entirely convinced of that while it was happening, I'd definitely have realized it the second they left the pub, hand in hand and laughing as though they were on top of the world. It was like all the years between EJ dropping his towel and him slipping that ring on Sami's finger melted right off of them, and they were the EJ and Sami I always knew they could be. Oh, wait. They are the EJ and Sami I always knew they could be!

Okay, my turn! Get back on that knee!

When Lucas popped up, I was a little peeved at first. They couldn't give me five minutes to enjoy my shiny, new car before having that angry little bird show up to shit on the hood? Really? But after that night I spent not writing this blog entry, I decided I liked that he showed up. I liked that he spouted his usual refuse and then stomped off with EJ and Sami still smiling.  If you've ever watched the BTVS episode "Fear Itself", the name "Gachmar" might mean something to you. Lucas was the Gachmar here. After that proposal, nothing was going to bring Sami down. Lucas tried to cut right through to Sami's nerve, threw everything but the kitchen sink at her (perhaps because he couldn't reach it - that'll be my only short joke today, I promise), but it was like Sami and EJ were wearing Teflon. Neither was feeling any pain and Lucas couldn't leave a scratch on them. All the confrontation served to prove is that Lucas has never really cared about anything or loved anything more than being right (pretty much the same road Rafe continues down). And when Lucas doesn't have that, does he have anything?

Incidentally, what is a "fondue machine"? I've heard of fondue pots, fondue makers, and fondue fountains, but...Nevermind. I've already put way more thought into that than I wanted to.

So in the end it was the perfect proposal for two imperfect people living imperfect lives who are perfect for each other. I guess that's about as good a conclusion to this blog entry as any, huh?


  1. Absolute perfection, Digs. I got teary eyed again while reading it!

  2. Great blog as always!

    I too was less than convinced this proposal would have true meaning for me. After years of being jerked around emotionally I have been feeling a bit numb, a bit muted in my excitement. I find myself wondering when the other shoe was going to drop. I think I may have EJami soap PTSD.

    I watched and watched live because I DO love and want this couple more than any couple since J&J (I won't even get started on my feelings there except to say we are both in that same life raft trying to survive the unnecessary sacrifice of that grand ship for a leaking canoe with no oars).

    I started watching just thinking there was no way I could miss this moment, no way I wasn't supporting my couple, but feeling no real connection. Color me shocked when I found all my love for this couple come rushing back, when I felt tears in my eyes, when I felt that long forgotten rush of excitement only a good soap romance can bring me.

    By the time she threw herself into his arms to say 'Yes!' and kiss him I found myself foolishly on my feet laughing, crying and wildly clapping my hands (luckily my son thought it was a fun game, not that mom had lost her mind and also luckily he was my only audience).

    The thing that struck me the most (and which I think lumi and safes don't really get) is that there is a HUGE difference in loving someone DESPITE who they are and loving someone BECAUSE of who they are. I won't argue whether Lucas/Rafe loved Sami or not, what I will argue is that EJ is the ONLY one who saw all of Sami and loved her BECAUSE she was Sami, because of 'the good, bad and everything in between'.

    Lucas saw all of her, accepted it and loved her DESPITE who she was. Then proceeded to constantly belittle her for being her, killing any belief she could have had in herself. He believed he could change her and she constantly tried and failed to live 'up' to his expectations.

    Rafe NEVER really saw Sami as she struggled to be someone he thought she was because that's what he saw. He never even got far enough to love Sami despite who she was cause he never understood her and was constantly was mad at her not being who he expected/thought she should be.

    EJ has always seen her clearly, loved EVERY part of her and wanted her as his own. When Sami is Sami he just stands back and let's her go with a little smile on his face of pride, you can almost hear him thinking 'that's my girl!'.

    Then EJ steps in and SUPPORTS her. Helps her. Leaves the choice of where to go next up to her. He values her thoughts/opinions/ideas and wants to help make her happy no matter what it takes, no matter what he has to do. What woman doesn't want that????

    When I heard Sami was going to need to talk before saying yes or no, I sighed. I have gotten a bit tired of the characters having to excuse past deeds for viewers. Those who love EJami get it, most of the rest will never convert with mere character conversation. Yet when Sami started talking and crying I felt her insecurity, her need to hear those words from EJ, her need to KNOW in HER heart that what she wanted from him, what she needed from him, what she thought he was offering to her was real. That she finally had someone who truly loved HER, that she was finally with someone she could just relax and be herself with and still be loved and accepted, not found wanting.

    I have to say at first I HATED them running into Lucas and hearing him yapping his tired rhetoric, but have to agree, after sleeping on it I found myself liking what that scene actually said. It told us EJami are solid, truly happy and don't give a rats behind what others think. It told us there would be lots of angst outside of that love and it told us Lucas is an ass. Oh wait, already knew that.

    1. Great post!! This captured an Ejami fan's heart in a nutshell! Well done!

  3. In some ways this renewed my faith in Days in others it hurt it. If they can write EJami as they have the last months: so real, true & soaptastically romantic, why the Dannifer/Chloe horror? Why the Ericole stuck in nowhere land? Why the Bristen slow down with plot holes the size of Texas? If they get you can have a couple solidly together with outside interference, why did Jennifer have to scramble over Jacks unnecessarily dead body in her rush for a new 'love' before jack even hit the bottom of that stupid elevator shaft?!?!?

  4. OMG!You hit out the part!!! Love your intake on Ejami and with Lucas lol THANK YOU

  5. I loved your take on the beautiful proposal Ej made to Sami. After waiting so much time for this very moment I couldn't have been more happy. No couple comes to mind that has the chemistry Ejami has and the potential to be the next supercouple inf the soap world. Lucas didn't bother me one bit...most of all because he didn't take one moment of happiness from Ejami. They were high on their engagement and nobody was going to ruin that for them. They have always been soulmates and it's too bad it has taken this long for them to finally be together. <3

  6. Fabulous! Loved it thanks so much

  7. Sigh* you writee for me, Diggs, I swear it and thank you for it.
    #Ejami Love for everyone, forever more. :-) So happy to have my show back.

  8. Superb blog, Diggy!

    I just wrote a reflective (I thought) reply and then lost it. Nuts! So I'm going the short route this time and saying the proposal was everything and more. Sheer perfection! Sami broke my heart with her vulnerability, and I'm so happy my girl is finally with someone who loves her for her, because she is so wonderful! And EJ? I love him too, and I'm so happy for him that he has finally gotten the girl he's adored for all this time. And Lucas, the loudmouth? I'm good with that too. He served to represent all the people who will be unhappy with this union, yet nothing he could say could dampen EJ and Sami's happiness. It bodes well for the future.

    Love you, Diggy, and I thank God I have you in my life!

  9. Thanks for your terrific blog. EJami shines because of great storytelling and exemplary acting from JS and AS. Hope the writers keep it up. I eagerly look forward to the scenes where EJami tell their children about their engagement.

  10. Diggy;

    Wonderful blogg. You hit every nail on the head and I can't find anything to add.

    Also, thank you so much for sharing so much of your personal story as well.


  11. This blog made me cry happy tears all over again!

    Funny and beautifully written! EJami really is the destined soul mate of each other and always has been.

    I too was sort of on the fence about Sami not saying yes right away. I did not want him to have to convince her marrying him was a good idea. But when the scenes aired it was just stunningly beautiful and moving. Sami DOES love him..but more than that she REALLY REALLY LOVES HIM!! She wants so much to belong to him and to be free but the years of quasi-abusive relationships with those bastards left her scared.

    I cried almost as much for EJ as I did for Sami, because through the past 7 years he has tried to convince her she is enough, she does not need those losers who seemed to make a sport out of trying to change her and cutting her down when she could not meet their standards.

    EJ was devastated that in spite of his efforts, she was still wounded more by their lack of understanding and acceptance than anything either EJ or Sami had done against each other through the years.

    I know Sami said she did not want him to rescue her but EJ could not help himself he had to swoop in and save her from her self doubt, and bring her home to his epic love for her.

    It was the perfect culmination of everything we ever wanted or needed to hear from them and it all the past 7 years together seamlessly and rooted them to be amazing as they move into their future! ...Well crap, now I am crying again! Lol

  12. As usual, you insightfully and magnificently expressed, as well as reflected, the feelings many of us had going into, during, and coming out of EJ's proposal to Sami, while being so open and honest about your own life. Kudos and many thanks! xoxo

  13. We don't need to explain our Ejami love to anybody who doesn't already get it. Just like the love you and Alex share which is gorgeous and the love between a boob shaped Figoli and a sticky sweet bread pudding with Irish Whiskey sauce...

  14. Great post.
    While the background, set up could have been so much better, the dialogue, the acting and the chemistry between these two actors were just great great great. When Ej's cried and Sami spoke about her insecurities it was powerful..
    JS really plays it like Sami is his world..really touching and once again powerful.

  15. This is the best blog ever!!! Just had to get that out of the way, I love your take on everything about this soap ; EJ and Sami (and your blog) reminded me why soaps are still relevant because no one does crazy passionate ,forever romance quite like they do and when they do it right, it does make the world seem like a better, happier place!