Bad Milk, Brady, Art Films, Nicole, and The Elephant Man

My excitement after watching the September promo has ebbed.  That didn’t take long, did it?

Okay, here’s the thing…

I understand things can’t change overnight.  I understand it will take some time to steam all the imitation velour wallpaper off the walls, prime and paint the room, and sell the old, outdated furniture to some frat boys via Craigslist.  I get that.  But there were a few things I expected would change.  I’ll touch on just one of them today.  The most immediate one.

EJ and Nicole.

Really, guys?  Again?

After announcing that our beloved characters would be…well…in character again, they went ahead and pushed EJ and Nicole back together.  This makes no sense to me, and not just because I still think that an EJ and Nicole pairing is about as sexually-charged as watching Sally dictating her Christmas list to Charlie Brown.  Brady and Nicole were working their way back to each other after the stupidity that was Nicole dumping him to marry a man she didn’t love just to spend time with his daughter, and the whole Brelanie disaster.  Seriously, guys - Brady and Melanie?

You’d have to think my head was stuffed with straw and my eyes and ears had been replaced by red onions to believe I’d accept EJ and Nicole as a viable couple after everything that has happened between them over the past few months.  And Brady suggests an “open relationship”?  Maybe the big event on the twenty-sixth includes a key party.  The writers need to give me some credit.  History dictates that EJ and Nicole work about as well as Joseph Merrick and fluffy pillows, which is to say not at all.

There is nothing “mysterious” or “romantic” about EJ and Nicole.  The thing that bothers me the most here is that by the sounds of it, TPTB are going to try to polish them off and make them new again.  That ain’t gonna work.  As Dave Chappelle’s Rick James said, “The milk’s gone bad”.

Here’s a romantic mystery for you – why the hell do the powers that be keep veering off the road to Brady and Nicole over and over again?  I have my theories, but I won’t go into too much detail.  Two names and an “and”.  Rhymes with "Tammy and…" Oh, fuck it.  I’m talking about Sami and Rafe.

To add insult to injury, the powers that be learned nothing from the whole Ejaylor fiasco.  Remember the “moment of enchantment”?  Remember how Taylor and EJ’s romantic first meeting on the pier was supposed to be one of those once-in-a-lifetime-love-kicks-you-in-the-ball-sack kind of moments?  Well, now we’ve got Madison James not only swinging into Brady Black’s orbit, but into his…I won’t say it. 

It’s already been described in SOD by Marlene McPherson as a “great romance”.  It isn’t.  I’m not just saying that because I’m a bitter, bitter Bricole fan.  I’m saying that because you’re telling me this is a great romance instead of letting me decide, which was the problem with Taylor and EJ – the biggest soap blunder since… my mind’s a blank.  It’s like when Kyle MacLachlan tried to tell us that he thought Showgirls was an art film.  Please.

At least bring the woman in and let us see for ourselves how great the potential of a romance between these two characters could be before you stick the apple in the pig's mouth and call us all to dinner.  I need to get to know Madison James, see her in action for a bit before seeing her in a love match with Brady.  For that matter, I’m going to need to adjust to a Brady in the hands of new writers.  I’m going to need to get to know him all over again.  Give us the chance to decide if there should even be a romance before sticking us with "Bradison". 


Brady and Nicole in full bloom should have been explored.  If the characters are to be kept in character, if history is to be respected as has been promised, Nicole and Brady should have been given a chance, and "EJ and Nicole III:  So Very Tired", should have gone straight to DVD then subsequently laid to rest with Efar.