Mommy, can we keep him?

You're not going to need to buckle your safety belts for this ride, guys.

Personally I prefer cherry-flavoured

EJ and Taylor talk in circles until I wish I'd taken some Gravol half an hour before going into the episode.  Taylor wants to leave town.  EJ wants to divorce Nicole.  Taylor wants to leave town.  EJ wants to divorce Nicole.  Or something like that.  

Eventually, all I’m thinking about is how Taylor is barely the width of EJ’s forearm and how much it’s creeping me out.

 Beat that, Denny's

Chloe is still at the Cheatin' Heart, this time with a martini sitting in front of her, sucking back olive after olive.  

I suppose from a financial point of view Chloe's alcoholism makes sense.  Three bucks for lunch is a hard deal to pass up.

The DiMeras:  Apparently there is a price to pay for extreme awesomeness

Stefano is thrilled to find out that his grandson has been found safe and sound.  He tells Lexie he's on his way over when Lexie tells him that the boy might need some time to "decompress" so Grandpappy should hold off on visiting him just yet.

EJ and Stefano are slowly being inexplicably phased out of Theo's life, though I'd imagine that this is happening so that when the whole Rafe/Efar thing blows up in the DiMera men's faces, Lexie can go on about how she was right to limit their access to her son, blah blah blah.  Because when those big, bad DiMeras go down, they go big.  

This is all happening because the DiMeras are just too damn awesome for their own good, you know.  They're making the Brady Bunch look like a box of stale Premium Plus crackers.

Most likely a case of lazy editing...

...but suddenly Chad and Abigail are on my screen and out of the blue Chad says, “Do you think it would be alright if I call Lexie?”  If I didn’t know better, I’d swear there was a Chad/Abby scene leading up to this that went missing.  Hmm.

Just as Chad is about to dial Lexie’s number, his cell rings.  It's Kate. 

She tells him that she’s on the pier waiting for a client to come in on a yacht and can’t figure out how to text the guy so she’s in desperate need of his texting prowess (I’m not kidding). Little does Chad know, this is all a ruse to get him to leave Abby alone in the pub so that Stefano can have a little chat with her. 

This wouldn’t look nearly as dumb if Kate wasn’t calling Chad while standing in front of the pub as she and Stefano stare at him through its storefront window. 

If Chad lifts his head to sneeze, the jig is up.

Nicole drops the J-Bomb

Nicole tells Chloe she believes Stefano and EJ might have locked Rafe up in their basement.  When Chloe looks as though she thinks this is as stupid as I do, Nicole says, “Look what they did to John Black!  They made it so that John Black couldn’t remember anything…”

Nicole continues to work through her theory.  She suggests that perhaps Rafe is being mind-controlled.

“Yeah.  That’s plausible.  Because that happens all the time.”

Writers, you’re killing me here.

Tell me about it

Stabby

Just to kill some time, Stefano and Abby are having an uneventful conversation about Chad’s current financial situation without Chad. Why?  Because we could all certainly use some downtime after the roller coaster ride we’ve been on so far this episode, am I right?

I'm not sure about that pink shirt and those earrings.  She looks like she should be having drinks with Nomi Malone in Vegas.

Eighteen is Enough

Chad tells Stefano he wants to work at DiMera Enterprises over the summer because he got the feeling from Abigail that she thought he might be crowding her if he worked at the hospital.  And yes, physically it’s all together possible given that EVERY FUCKING CHARACTER ON THIS SHOW WORKS THERE.

Surprise!

Nicole has decided that instead of calling EJ to let her know she’s on her way home, she’s just going to surprise him.  Because there’s no way EJ would ever suspect that Nicole would end up back where she lives.

 

See?

 

SEE?!

United State

I love them.  I just love them.

I'm gonna miss him

Efar had me laughing my ass off in a much different way than Rafe did this afternoon.

 

I'm sure you can see why.

Fine.  I know Days reached its quota of town ass-hats, like, three years ago.  But Efar has so much more potential to entertain than Rafe.  Can't we keep him?  Please?  I know what you're going to say - we have Rafe.  But come on.  We all know that Rafe would fare better out on a farm somewhere where there's lots of fresh air and space for him to run around on, and plenty of bails of hay for him to spy on people from behind.

Ugh.  It's not fair.  It's just not fair.

Would I watch this episode?

 

Hard to say.  The episode had some lovely little Stefano and Kate moments, but just like Maggie and Victor, I'm tired of Days relying on the "aww...the vets are so cute" factor to get me to watch an otherwise lousy episode.  And was it ever lousy.  If you're starving for a few seconds of  sweet 'n' sneaky State, I say watch the eppy with your finger on the trigger.  

Chloe was amusing, but the banter with Nicole over martinis really made it look like she was already over the emotional devastation of losing her son less than twenty-four hours ago.  I'm sort of over Chloe being Romy to Nicole's Michelle.  Days, if you're going to go all "dysfunctional girls out on the town" with these two, go Ab Fab or go home.