Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Horton Squared: September 27th PBP

So I watched the big reset on Friday and I was somewhat...underwhelmed.

I know, I know.  It was all about bowing and scraping to history, celebrating new Days to come, et cetera, but...well...I found it all kind of tedious.  I'm sure that's partly because I already know what's going to happen.  I'm not watching it from the point of view of someone who has no damn clue that Jack isn't going to fall into a cake until Wednesday, or that Hope's big surprise was John and Marlena.  Maybe if I'd been "unspoiled", I would have enjoyed it more.

I tried my best to watch the show from the point of view of someone who may be checking out Days for the first time, then someone who's been watching the show for years.  Either way, I felt like it was missing something.  Then I realized that the problem might have been that it wasn't missing enough.  Patti Stanger, for instance.  The show wouldn't have missed her, and so far, the only perceivable reason I could see for her to be there was to set Ejole 3.0 into motion.  Patti Stanger "understands these things", you see.  If Patti Stanger says EJ is in love with Nicole, then EJ is in love with Nicole.  Her word is law, don't you know.

Then, of course, there was THIS.

Alex and my sister, both only ever having watched a few full episodes with me, were equally unimpressed.  I found myself having to defend my Days viewership again.  In the last episode Alex watched before the reset, EJ was slamming his wedding band on a table and rubbing Ejaylor sex in Nicole's face, so you could imagine his shock when he saw EJ staring at Nicole with fuzzy eyes.

My sister's comments were mostly cosmetic.  Austin "looks like a leather pouch".  Sami "looks like a football player in drag".  And Hope "looks like she needs an IV and a Chinese buffet, stat".

I think I may have liked Reset: Day Two a little more than Day One.  I think.

A few things that popped into my head.

Hope's head is gigantic.

Seriously.  The hair.  The spaghetti straps.  It all just further accentuates how skinny she is.  I don't mean Nicole-skinny.  I mean stick insect-skinny.  I actually find myself wincing sometimes when she walks because she looks positively brittle.  I worry about her.

Who's responsible for Sami's hair?



Big wheels keep on turnin'.

Marlena hugs her girls.  They squeal, laugh, cry.  It's beautiful.  John is just in the way, so Austin literally sweeps in and rolls him out of the shot.


Jesus, does that extra in the background ever look moved.

Even emotional deflation looks good on Chloe.

Remember when Chloe was suffering from PPD and took the Bump-It out of her hair, but otherwise still looked stunning?  Today, feeling defeated after a visit from Kate, Chloe changes out of her sexy purple outfit and into a sexy purple tracksuit.


When I'm depressed, I take off my bra, slip into my sexy, grey men's undershirt, and eat hummus straight out of the container with my thumb while watching Hoarders.

Marlena and Will get reacquainted, Pt. I

Marlena:  You're so big!  And so handsome!

And so gay!  Writers, get back on the clock, already!  It's been weeks!  I don't want the story rushed, but I do want to be able to see some real movement before the show is cancelled, or I die.

Melanie is having a friendly chat with EJ and Patti Stanger



Of course.

The Second Coming

EJ and Patti run into Kate after John and Marlena's entrance.

"You missed the second coming of John and Marlena."

"If that was the "great surprise", one can imagine how tedious this evening is going to be."


You have no idea.


After flitting back and forth between Marlena giving her speech and EJ paying such rapt attention to it, I can't wait for a proper EJ/Marlena chat.  One has to happen.  I'm counting on it.

It's too soon to be trying to cheat death

If I were you, John, I'd stay the hell away from Doctor Death.  You only just started walking two weeks ago.

James Scott:  No rest for the wickedly-talented

While some actors barely act when they're the main focus of a scene (I say no more), James Scott is working it when he doesn't even really have to.

I'm sorry.  I have to mention it again.  What were the stylists thinking when they were putting Sami together for this thing?

Something's missing, alright.

Jennifer startles easy today.  Maggie asks her what's up.  Jennifer can't quite explain it.

“I have the oddest feeling. I feel like something’s going on…and I’m missing it.”

Jennifer ends up missing "it" about six or seven times today.
Honestly. Two days of this has been too much.  If he doesn't fall into the cake two seconds into tomorrow's episode, I'll really be annoyed.  The Dan/Jennifer PDAs are probably bothering me more than they're bothering Jack now.

Nicole:  Independent woman for about maybe three weeks.

Nicole tells Kinsey that, for the longest time, she believed she couldn't live a fulfilling life without a man.

"Not anymore," Nicole declares confidently.


Logic is on your side, Nicole.  The writers, however, are not.

Dario has left a hole in her heart.  And her head.

Melanie sits alone, high enough to sprinkle her magical bring-down dust on the entire event.

Dario's moving to Argentina has left more of an emotional dent in Melanie's heart than the departures of Philip, Nathan, and Carly combined.

Chris is back!

Kate's assistant, Chris, has returned to town now that Countess W. is making a comeback.  He's impressed with the Horton shindig, pointing out that, "even the reporters are celebrities!"

Like this guy!

I totally can't remember this guy's name.  I saw him once on TV but before that he was "that guy who gave away the huge spoiler about EJ announcing his candidacy for mayor via a video on YouTube".

Kate has already made it clear that the only reason she's in attendance is to speak to aforementioned celebrity reporters about make-up, and to watch EJ piss all over the parade with his big announcement.

“You know what we should do?  We should string popcorn all around that hideous tree then sing kumbaya.”

"I'm sure it's all downhill from here."
So am I.

EJ, Johnny, and Cat Stevens

After Sami retrieves Allie, Johnny and Sydney from Itchy & Scratchy Land's ball pit for a family picture, EJ approaches the group and asks if he can have a moment with his kids.  Rafe and Rotox hover around them like the ghosts of Rafe Present and Future.  

Sami gives EJ permission, telling him "not to blow it".  Sydney runs and hugs him, but Johnny is hesitant.  Sami tells him it's okay if he wants to give his daddy a "great, big hug".  Johnny runs to EJ and throws his arms around him, and I get a little misty-eyed.


Writers, why must you tease me so.

Austin's hair is positively Munstrous.



La Piece de Resistance
Kate almost totally called it.


Chloe tells Kate off.  I guess.

Chloe corners Kate at the big event to give her a piece of her mind.  I'm not going to make any "Chloe is a moron jokes" because this Chloe is nuChloe.  Or pre-Cordiglay Chloe, rather.

"Ten words or less.  What."

"I am going to be a mother to my son, and you are not gonna stop me."


I counted seventeen.

More Missed Opportunities

Melanie being a sad-sack brought about a lovely Chad/Melanie moment that made me smile.  Obviously it helps that Casey and Molly are an adorable couple off screen.  All I could think was that this may be another missed romantic opportunity (yeah, I know.  Another one).  First no Chill, and now this.  Originally, when TPTB aged Chad up a year, I thought they were going to maybe stick Chad in a triangle with Melanie and Nathan.  Didn't happen.  What the point was, then, in aging Chad, I still have no idea.



Their equally unimpressed facial expressions (which mirror my own, by the way), brought on by the various events that have unfolded in Horton Town Square thus far, just make me even more excited about possible future EJack interactions. Enter "Premature-EJackulation" joke here.

Marlena and Will get reacquainted, Pt. II

"When your mother said you had grown – oh, my goodness – she wasn’t kidding!"
"Oh, yeah.  I'm completely mature and responsible now."

And gay!  GAY!

Would I watch this episode?

I'm over watching Dan and Jennifer canoodling while Jack and his beard peek out from around corners.  Some wonderful things were said about Tom and Alice.  I was sort of hoping that Jennifer would be allowed to make an actual speech about her grandmother without Hope popping in there again.  No chance.  I've seen her gushing from behind that podium for two bloody days now.  I need a break.  She needs some cucumber sandwiches.  They've had Jennifer so caught up in the as-yet-undiscovered Jack/Jennifer/Daniel triangle that TPTB haven't really made her as much a part of the Horton dedication stuff as she should be.

The EJ/Johnny scene was very sweet, and I enjoyed watching Sami showing a little maturity by ignoring her two dads, allowing EJ to talk to his kids, and encouraging Johnny to make up with his father.  Good on you, Sami.

It was a pretty good episode.  Yes, I'd watch it.  I'm a bitter Bricole, Ejami, Carly, and Vivian fan, so that's all going to affect my enjoyment level for a while.  I'm still hurt, you know.


  1. Brilliant, brilliant, and again brilliant. I agree with everything that was said.

    I want a Nathan/Melanie/Chad triangle. I probably wouldn't know which one to choose. I would love to see Melanie get her sassy back, and let's be honest here, scenes with Stefano, EJ, and Kate interacting with Melanie would be amazing!

    I feel that the "premature EJackulation" was for me. EJ has never had that problem and neither has Jack. Rafe may be a different story.

  2. I asked Matthew Ashford on Twitter if he had shared any scenes with James yet, but it doesn't look like it since he said he'd like to and he's looking for the chance. It was great seeing EJ & Jack in the same frame though. :D

  3. "It was a pretty good episode. Yes, I'd watch it. I'm a bitter Bricole, Ejami, Carly, and Vivian fan, so that's all going to affect my enjoyment level for a while. I'm still hurt, you know."

    That statement effected my enjoyment of this ep, wish we could watch together, I was so annoyed by the same things. I did enjoy the Bricole eye sex, you know it was happening!

    Hope did put on the whole thing, so I guess that's why she can be the announcer. However, I love Krist and Hope she really has to gain more weight, it's scary. I worry. And that is all I'll say about that.

    Jen should be in there somewhere, but not expecting much from Jen Whoreton since Dr Cheese removed her heart along with her brain. Maybe when Jack interjects her mind, she might come around.

    Nicole, Nicole, Nicole on her own for 5 minutes and back to being a pod person. Oh that lasted long! I won't even justify the writer's idiocy with Nicole with a rant, yet.

    I think Sami first wanted a Pebbles look, but then she decided on StarBright or the Gem look. Anything to go along with her sugar coated persona these days.

    If they are not going to make Chad and Will sing the Gay Theme song, why on earth put poor Chad with MelaMe. Her ego swallows whole ships, like potato chips! God could she be more egotistical, Carly needs a better daughter.

    I am sorry Dig, I hate that Ross guy... he has no talent, and I don't know who he blows to get on the show, but it's not worth it. His voice makes kittens in a blender sound good. Just God Awful. As my friend David would say, he is too gay to function.

    Someone kill that woodchuck on Jack's, face. That is all.
    Could Austin look worse? I think he's on the Hikers in Iranian Camp diet.
    or the Hope Williams diet.

    Where or where is Chloe? Why can't she bitch slap Hypocritical Kate or Hooker on a high horse, (I love Kate, but hate her attacking Nicole and Chloe) Can't they give Nadia some fucking material before she goes to the grey havens?

    Glad EJ got to see his kids, even if he does not make me flutter. Just stay away from Nicole, stay evil or good, and we might have an understanding dude.

    I did not like the episodes, at all. They barely featured any Nicole, like they are phasing her out because she's not attached to some man like a leech! nor the dreadful party where Marlena is the savior we missed, I loved her but DH is starting to think her shit don't stink with this crap. I am sure they could have survived without you lady.

    Monday's ep was sooooooo long, I nearly fell asleep. This Jack drama is so fucked up, the man is 6ft 2 and no one sees him? yeh sure. It's another Taylor and EJ stare off, dragged on!!! Get with it.

    I won't be siding with these writers yet if ever, if they cont to remb select parts of history and ignore others for their own personal gain. Or tooting their own horns and saying how wonderful the show is now, there is such thing and humility.

  4. edit: "such a thing as humility"

  5. The fabulous James St. James would describe a character like Chris as "one of those neutered and sexless television gays who listens to all the heterosexuals' problems and helps the girls with their outfits". It's an apt description.

    I do like having another observer-from-the-outside, tells-it-like-it-is character on the show, but we just got rid of a "neutered and sexless" manservant in Gus, and if Days is truly launching into the Will/Sonny gay storyline (where the hell was Sonny today, anyways?), then it might set their agenda back about two decades to have a character like Chris on the show. I'm so torn.

    I have the sinking feeling that Nicole is going to be the woman who gets schtupped on the desk by her boss in the soapy and cliched "man and woman try to keep their relationship strictly business" storyline. The kind that gets spoofed on The Simpsons all the time. Which will be one conference table schtupping too many given that it already looks like that's what the Brady/Madison thing will be all about. Spoilers already have Brady and Madison "locking horns" on their first meeting.

    The cogs turn, but all the soap and water is rusting them.

  6. I agree Dig, I don't mind Chris but he needs to tone it down. Especially since he is very stereotypical. My cousin is gay, and he is the biggest guy's guy, he climbed Mt Kilimanjaro! But I think Chris is interjected for Sonny? God I hope not, that would be like enforcing stereotypes. I do like he speaks for the fans, but just slightly. He doesn't speak for me most of the time.

    Nicole on a desk being schtupped? Sounds right. Get me a drink. My mother said a few weeks ago while Days was on, "Why is that nice girl back on this stupid soap again?" with writing like this, I asked the same thing. Run Ari run. Do I have to say she was talking about Ari, yeh she was.

    I hate Madison already, they have this "great romance" for Brady when wasn't that what they called EJ and Taylor? I rest my case. I am sure both Broes and Bricoles will be in the same boat, and she flies back off on to witch mountain on that broom. Bye Madison, you suck already.

    I would just like for once they played TO the couples that work, and stop trying to sell this shit to us, I do have a mind of my own!

  7. Cathangel, that you for bringing that to my attention! I am a happy little blogger right now!

    I would love to have Jack and EJ strike up a friendship/rivalry/frenemies thing. But then I remember that the DiMeras aren't allowed to have friends. Hmm. It would be a waste to not have Jack and EJ interact. Both were big baddies trying to escape the sins of the father, as it were. Both fell in love and started trying to change for that person. Both are snarky, clever, witty gentlemen. Both had/have political aspirations. Jack is a journalist, and EJ is a newsmaker.

    EJack simply MUST HAPPEN! TPTB screwed up Pelvis. So many missed opportunities there. They can't screw up EJack. I won't allow it.

  8. I want me some EJack! I love Jack. I love him so. I will watch Matthew Ashford as Jack even though I am not liking where this story is headed. Why, why, why does Jack have to prove himself to Jennifer every friggin' time? The man's just about the most faithful man in Soapland. Meanwhile, she's been engaging in the Dannifer fake-love fest. Do we get to see Jack struggle with the trauma of being held captive for nearly a year? Apparently not. We've got to move right to the "Oh my, oh my, will Jennifer pick her love of over twenty years or the guy she's gone out with a few times, had sex with, and suddenly claimed she's loved for "so long"? Good lands, how is Jack ever to take her seriously again now that she's loved Daniel with her "whole heart" too? Deep breaths. At least Matthew Ashford is back as Jack Deveraux.

  9. If I hear Jack begging for forgiveness ONE MORE TIME I'm gonna scream.

    He was held prisoner for a year. He wasn't on a walkabout. He's getting zilch from Abby or Jennifer about what he's gone thru. They're coming across as selfish bitches. At this moment in time, I'm up for a Jack and Nicole try out, and this from a J&J/Bricole fan.

    EJack, is a definite must! So much sex appeal, so much intelligence, so much snark.

    Madison, if she left tomorrow I wouldn't notice she was gone. Kate has mounds of experience, she's battled Victor and Stefano but none of that matters because Madison has YOUTH (and she doesn't look that much younger). I wanna see Brady trading barbs with Stefano? Roman? calling him old and then sticking out his tongue to show his personal maturity.

    Not that I'm impatient, but, when are we gonna get another edition?