Mommy, can we keep him?

You're not going to need to buckle your safety belts for this ride, guys.

Personally I prefer cherry-flavoured

EJ and Taylor talk in circles until I wish I'd taken some Gravol half an hour before going into the episode.  Taylor wants to leave town.  EJ wants to divorce Nicole.  Taylor wants to leave town.  EJ wants to divorce Nicole.  Or something like that.  

Eventually, all I’m thinking about is how Taylor is barely the width of EJ’s forearm and how much it’s creeping me out.

The Idiodyssey

It's been a while, hasn't it?  I gave up masochism for Lent which meant going Days-free and, as you can imagine, found that while I was gone I hadn't missed much.  Surprise, surprise.

I'm a little rusty, but without further ado, I present to you...yeah.

The DiMeras: Awesome Sauce

Don’t fight it. You know it’s true. Just admit it.

The DiMeras are cooler than the Bradys.

And despite the fact that they’re supposed to be treading the dark side, they’re actually far less dysfunctional.

Days Don't Know Jack

“Ask anyone in this town!  Ask them who I am!  They’ll say I’m Jack Deveraux – Harper’s son!”

"You are not –!"

"Jack Deveraux – Harper’s son!  One wields a pen, the other wields a sword, but deep down it's all the same!”

“You’re wrong!”

“No, I’m not wrong!”

“I don’t believe what anybody says!  I don’t even believe you!  I believe in you.  And I believe what I feel…with my whole heart.”

Before there was EJ DiMera, there was Jack Deveraux – a character that got his real start as a villain but slowly became one of the most beloved Days characters of all time.  Like EJ, whether you loved Jack or you hated Jack, the show just wouldn’t be the same without him, and right now Days really isn’t.  It hadn’t been so glaringly obvious until Jennifer returned to Salem without him.

Romancing The Home: Why has Salem gone from happy homes to homewrecker-happy?

Jack and Jennifer

So a combination of the Oscars’ too short homage to Gone With The Wind and Days wedding disaster after wedding disaster after wedding disaster, got me thinking about another huge reason the show sucks sweat socks right now.  You'd sooner find Vivian burning cookies with Chloe before finding even a lick of romance on this thing.

Fan wars.  Nasty, right?  Much like the Countess Bathory believed she could retain her youth by soaking in a tub of virgin’s blood, Cordiglay seems to feed off the blood shed by the slain soldiers of fan wars.  How else could you explain why the women of Salem bounce around from one man to the other like pinballs?

Correction: Whose mind is the scene of the crime?

Since the leaked footage of Sami shooting EJ hit the internet like a shit storm, people have been speculating that anything and everything that’s happened since that fateful night in the no-security home of the DiMeras is just someone’s nightmare (I mean someone aside from just myself and about ninety-nine percent of Days’ viewers).  Now that the show has finally hit infinitely ridiculous proportions not seen since the Salem Stalker fiasco with this whole Rafe/Efar disaster, the saccharine suppository Ken Corday decided to administer in the form of the EJ/Taylor love story, and Chloe’s leap off the pier (possibly in an attempt to escape the show), the speculation that this could all be a dream is our dream.

The Case for Chloe

There was a time when I really loved Chloe.  And I still love her, I guess, despite the huge rift between us right now.

Like just about every character currently on this show, I'm chalking up her extremely out of character behaviour to something or someone poisoning Salem's water supply - a twist that will be revealed some time within the next three years, or when Dena Higley is asked to pack up her little laptop with "Hard as Hell" and "I am woman - hear me bore" decals on the lid.

If you're reading this, O Powers That Be, take note.  This can all be fixed with someone waking up and proclaiming that the past few months were "all just a nightmare" or "someone has been tainting the town's booze supply".  I know it's sort of the same thing that would happen in a story written by a twelve-year-old once the twelve-year-old lost interest in it and just wanted to hand the stupid thing in, but really - is the current situation at Days so different?